Greetings Boils and Ghouls! Its you're host The Crypt Keeper!
(The Crypt Keeper greets his fans and calls them Boils and Ghouls, a pun for boys and girls.)
It's Serling's Last Night where he'll be buried 20,000 Feet deeper!
(The Crypt Keeper informs his fans that it's his opponent last day before he dies. A common body is buried at 6 feet but The Crypt Keeper says he'll be buried at 20,000 feet referencing the famous Twilight Zone episode, Nightmare at 20,000 Feet.)
When they see me, the audience will be bound for a screaming!
(Because of The Crypt Keeper's appearance, the audience would be frighten setting the show to be scary.)
When they see you they say "That man must be late for a buiness meeting."
(Rod Serling on the other hand, usually contains a suit during his narrations similiar to a buiness meeting. Because of this, the audience would see this as a man late for his meeting making the show boring. The Crypt Keeper is saying his appearance can scare people unlike Serling who isn't scary.)
I turn a comic book company from educational to entertaining
(Educational Comics was a low budget company until William Gaines tookover and changed it to Entertainment Comics with MAD and Tales from the Crypt.)
You have no courage to face me, since you're as Yellow as a Canary!
(To be Yellow is being a coward, it also references an episode from Tales from the Crypt. The Crypt Keeper says Rod is afraid of him. He says he is as yellow as a canary, a small bird, this also references the Rod Serling film, The Yellow Canary.)
The Undertaking Palor of a man couldn't rap without the tone of being so bland,
(Undertaking Parlor is an act of a task and is an episode of Tales from the Crypt. The Crypt Keeper says Rod Serling's task of rapping couldn't work without his bland voice references how Rod Serling's narration is a quiet and long.)
Cause it doesn't take a cookbook from The Kanamits, To easily show how To Serve Man!
(This line references the plot of The Twilight Zone episode, To Serve Man, where an alien race, The Kanamits, give the humans a book which translates to To Serve Man, thinking it means that the aliens would help them out, almost every human goes into the ships including Michael Chambers, the man who decoded the book, until his assitant reveals that To Serve Man is a cookbook in which they would prepare meals from human beings. The Crypt Keeper however uses serve as not in helping or preparing a meal but in rap term in which to prove he is better than Serling.)
You've stepped through the Scary Door, in this dimension a rap battle takes place
(Serling narrates this battle as he tells the audience that they went through a door, referencing the line in The Twilight Zone intro "You unlock this door with the key of imagination." and the parody of the show in Futurama, The Scary Door. Serling references the intro in another way as he explains many dimensions, this specific one he references is where a rap battle takes place, that being this very rap battle.)
Between Night Gallery's watchman, and a skeletal monstrosity lacking refined taste
(Serling explains who is in this battle as he describes himself as a Night Gallery watchman referencing his show Night Gallery as he would be a watchman, someone who keeps an eye on a building a night. He then says he's up against in what he describes The Crypt Keeper as he compares him to a skeleton in which he says The Crypt Keeper has a poor choice in stories.)
Your narrative skills are a disgrace, no wonder you were abandoned in a crypt
(Rod Serling calls out The Crypt Keeper's narrating and says its the main reason why he was abandoned in a crypt. This referencing the episode, Lower Berth, where The Crypt Keeper was born in a dark crypt when his parents died, the police came to investigate the bodies but didn't see nor hear the baby leaving him abandoned.)
Be wary, it's the Twilight of this Zoned out Beetlejuice and Crazy Harry mix
(Serling warns The Crypt Keeper about battling him as he uses a word on word play of his show, The Twilight Zone, and the word, Zoned Out, oblivious to surroundings as he compares him to Beetlejuice, both are comedic undead beings, and Crazy Harry from The Muppets, both are insane deadly puppets.)
Rise over this ape, send him packing to his bisected dad and his mummy mommy
(Serling will top him as he references Planet of The Apes, a screenplay written by Serling, as he'll make The Crypt Keeper return to his parents, who are a two-sided freakshow and an ancient mummy.)
Give you a real Nightmare as a Child, next to me you're infantile, you Dummy
(Rod Serling will haunt The Crypt Keeper as he says compared to his serious show to The Crypt Keeper's more goofy and chilish show. He also references two Twilight Zone episodes, Nightmare as a Child and The Dummy.)
Submitted for your approval, a misfit muppet soon Silenced and already damned
(Submitted for your approval is a famous phrase by Serling as he compares The Crypt Keeper to a misfit version of Jim Henson's Muppets that will soon be defeated. This also referencing The Twilight Zone episode, The Silence.)
With the darker, doper flow, you could say Rod Serling left you Crypt Jammed.
(Rod Serling says his flow is better and he as he has the Crypt Keeper served or "Crypt Jammed", a reference to The Tales from the Crypt rap, Crypt Jam.)
(Rod's full name is Rodman as The Crypt Keeper assists he goes back to trading blows, giving blowjobs, with the Disney character, Mickey Mouse, referencing The Tower of Terror ride at Disney World.)
You're Tower of Terror is no game compared to my Haunted House!
(The Crypt Keeper than says Rod's Rower of Terror is not compared to his haunted house. This is also a word on word play as game for comparison and game show to reference the game show, Secrets, of the Cryptkeeper's Haunted House.)
You've been ripping off my tales like a Ventriloquist's Dummy
(Twilight Zone's The Dummy has a similiar plot to Tales from the Crypt comic, The Ventrioloquist Dummy, that came out 10 years ago before the Twilight Zone episode aired in which The Crypt Keeper says Rod rips off his stories.)
With Special Effects more gorier to make you run for your money!
(Tales from The Crypt contains a variety of special effects, specifically for more gory characters unlike The Twilight Zone which had a limit in special effects for early television.)
I'll censor you like your sponsers when you decide to rap against me,
(A few times in The Twilight Zone, some episodes had to be censored/cut out by the sponsers of the show in case they got too scary. The Crypt Keeper says he'll do the same if Rod continues to rap against him.)
The Television Terror strucked The Zero Hour cause it's about to get gory!
(The Television Terror is an episode of Tales from the Crypt and The Zero Hour is a radio drama by Rod Serling. The Crypt Keeper says his shows horror struck its time as he says this battle will be violent.)
I hate you more then Talking Tina does, so prepared to be slaughtered!
(Talking Tina is a doll from The Twilight Zone in which her infamous catch phrase was "My name is Talking Tina, and I'm beginning to hate you. The Crypt Keeper plans to murder Rod Serling.)
Cause like the bible always says Rod, Blood is thicker than water!
(This a direct quote from the Tales from the Crypt episode, Fitting Punishment, where Ezra's nephew, Bobby, comes back from the dead after Ezra murders him and says "Like it says in The Bible always say Uncle Ezra, blood is thicker than water!". In which The Crypt Keeper shall murder Rod.)
Prepare for consequences, caning from a Rod dealt for the Creepshow abortion
(Rod then tells The Crypt Keeper to prepare for results of his villainous actions, Rod then uses a pun for his name with a thin body in which he calls The Crypt Keeper an unbirthed version of The Creepshow Creep from the series Creepyshow, a series based on Tales from the Crypt.)
Let's introduce the segment where bones break for positive visual distortion
(Rod Serling usually introduces the segment of The Twilight Zone, in this battle he's introducing the battle where he'll break The Crypt Keeper for his misdeeds.)
Mess with Serling's sterling? Unfurling, leave you burning and say It's a Good Life
(Rod then says if The Crypt Keeper messes with his excellence then he'll burn The Crypt Keeper and call it a day. This also references The Twilight Zone episode, It's a Good Life.)
Leave you alone in a shallow grave as I have a lovely night with my lovely wife.
(As The Crypt Keepr will be alone in his grave, Rod will spend the rest of the night with his wife, Carol Serling.)
Picture, if you will, a dimension where your toons and games cease to be lame
(Rod then tells The Crypt Keeper to imagine a dimension where Tales from The Crypt aren't lame in Rod's eyes. This referencing the cartoon, Tales from The Crypt Keeper, and the game show, Secrets from The Crypt Keeper's House.)
Perhaps Gaine a sense of class, and you could hope to Gein a portion of my fame
(Rod then tells The Crypt Keeper could be more polite and perhaps gain a bit of his fame. Rod also references 2 people, William Gaines, The Creator of Tales from The Crypt, and Ed Gein, a serial killer who turns his citims into furnature.)
You face your Execution, getting kicked off your throne as you're stuck in my grip
(Rod then plans to execute The Crypt Keeper as he kicks him out due to Rod's tright grasp in this fight. This also references The Twilight Zone episode, Execution.)
Now, my dear fellow, I suggest you leave, dragging your Tail from the Crypt.
(Rod then suggests that The Crypt Keeper leaves this battle while making one last pun of the series, Tales from the Crypt, and tail, as though The Crypt Keeper doesn't have a tail, Rod sees him as an animal therefore assuming he does have one.)